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23 April 2010 @ 11:10 pm
Waiting For You 4  
Title: Waiting for You
Author: hidaka_yuushi
Length: Chaptered
Genre: Angst
Rating: PG-13

I thought my love was enough… to love you, to defend you, to wait for you…But now I realized that it isn’t anymore… and it’s not enough for me to even love me… that’s why I’ve found myself someone who can love me enough… and he is.

Please, forget me and forgive me

If forgetting and forgiving are always that easy to do

Chapter 4

He knew that he was just torturing himself… by watching Junsu with his husband.




One thing that he had lost and might never attain…


Not after the betrayals he had inflicted upon Junsu.


But still, he kept his position… hovering around the life of the perfect pair of lovebirds… inside their social circle… As Jung Yunho’s business partner, as Jung Haelim’s (Yunho’s mother) social guest, as a stock holder of Jung Yunho’s children’s school…


Keeping his position in the shadow… observing, waiting, but never demanding…


Although his heart broke piece by piece every time he saw Junsu flash a loving smile at his husband… as he caressed the man’s hands tenderly, as he glowed when he was bearing the man’s seeds…


As their family had grown more and more complete as more little Jungs joined the perfect happy family…


And he watched and observed… silently… silently… blending to the shadow but was omnipresent.


Sparing a polite smile whenever Junsu spotted him (which was returned by a quick frightened gaze by the other man… and the sight of those broke his heart much more than the sight of Junsu’s happiness with Yunho…), he spent his time following the other man with a discrete gaze as usual.


He watched as Yunho stumbled upon his step and Junsu immediately caught him and gently led him to sit on one of the comfortable chair. It had been 15 years, but the 40-year-old Junsu seemed to be as beautiful as his 22 year-old self…


‘And as gentle and tender too…’ Yoochun noticed the way he tended to his weaker husband.


Call him monstrous… call him heartless… but he couldn’t help the slight feeling of happiness when he learned that Jung Yunho contracted a terminal illness… a tiny little part of his heart saw it as an opportunity to finally get Junsu back…


Wasn’t it a gift from God for his patience in waiting for 15 years?


But after several years, he was forced to acknowledge that maybe even then Junsu would still refuse to spare him even a single glance. Throughout the most difficult period of their married life, he never saw Junsu waver, not even once.


He never complained, never left Yunho’s side, never failed to be gentle, never lost his temper (and Yoochun was forced to remember that he was at the receiving end of such graces before…)


Never lost his faith to Yunho.


‘Really, Park Yoochun…’ He chuckled bitterly at himself. ‘What exactly are you waiting for?’


The angel of your dreams would always remain that way… in your dreams.


But he just couldn’t stop waiting.



He was watching his husband again.


Although filled with pain almost every single moment of his days, Jung Yunho could still detect the longing glances thrown by Park Yoochun throughout the dinner party.


Not that it was something new.


As hard as the other man tried to make his fleeting stares subtle, Yunho had always realized that his husband had another eager pursuer… after all he was a possessive man…


But at the same time, he believed in Junsu… that the other man would never betray him, would never leave him alone…


And he knew that his decision to choose him as his spouse for life was not a mistake. Even when he was at his lowest point, Junsu never left him.


Not even when he lost his temper in frustration and spent a full week barking on anybody who crossed his path.


Not even when he was in deep depression because he felt so useless and he started to destroy anything in sight.


Not even when he could only lie pathetically on his back, the pain ravaging his body was too acute to ignore.


‘But’, He smiled as his husband tenderly took his hand and put a plate of fruit on it and asked him whether he wanted Junsu to feed him instead. He shook his head. ‘It is time for me to make him leave…’


He didn’t want Junsu to ever be alone… as much as the younger man showed his toughness throughout this whole ordeal, he knew firsthand how easy his husband could crumble in loneliness… in self depreciation…


Junsu always needed someone to support him.


And oh how he wished that it could be him forever… but he couldn’t… fate would take him earlier than he wanted to…


And even it killed him to do so, he knew that he couldn’t be egoistic and leave his angel suffering alone in this world…


Even if it killed him…


To give Park Junsu a chance to replace Jung Junsu…


“Jagiya…” He called out softly and couldn’t help the fond smile from spreading on his face as he saw Junsu immediately responding and going over to him.


“Hmm? Anything that you need, Yunho-yah?” He asked.


Yunho shook his head slightly but patted the space beside him. “Sit here with me?”


Junsu chuckled slightly but complied, reaching over to lean Yunho’s body to his side. “Feeling cuddly, Yunnie-ah? You looked so much better today,” He turned his head slightly to bury his face on Yunho’s hair.


He really didn’t want to give this up to someone else… Not Junsu’s tenderness… Junsu’s unique smell, Junsu’s fleeting caresses… Junsu’s playfulness… Junsu’s love…




“Jagiya…” He choked slightly on his words… “When I’m finally gone…” but he forced it out anyway.


“No!” Junsu spun over harshly, nearly knocking Yunho’s body to the side, but he quickly grasped it gently and stabilized him. Despite his gentle action, his expression was still firm.


“No, Yunho-yah… you are not going anywhere… You are going to stay here with me! Please don’t say something stupid like that!” He insisted.


Usually, Yunho would just let the matter slide… he didn’t want to make Junsu upset when he knew that his time was running short…


The problem was… he could sensed that his time was indeed running shorter and shorter… and he knew that he would hate himself for all eternity if he left his angel all alone in this world.


“No, Jagiya… Listen to me,” he used all the strength he possessed to grab Junsu’s chin firmly and forced him to look at his eyes. It pained him to see the brown pairs of eyes glittering with tears… but this needed to be done… No matter how hard Junsu denies it, Yunho could feel it in his bone… his time is coming soon…




“When I’m finally gone…” He repeated again, ignoring the soft pleading sounds from Junsu that begged him to stop doing this to him… to force the cruel reality and rip his fragile illusion apart. But Yunho plowed on.


“ I want you to open your heart again, okay? No Junsu, listen to me… I want you to start forgiving him…”


Junsu froze.


“Yes… Park Yoochun… please Junsu… I know that he still loves you… even for this past 15 years… He,” It took him all the resolution he had to finally said those words. “He would make you happy… when I already can’t…”


The head in his grasp shook stubbornly.


“No, No, No! He can never make me happy! Only you, you, Yunho! Only you can make me happy! Please don’t ask me that!!! I only love you… I don’t want to betray you… not ever!” By the end of his sentence, Junsu was already bordering being hysterical.




“No… He never loved me! Not like you do! He can never replace you… Yunho-yah… Don’t leave me… please… please?”


If only he could control his own life… Junsu never knew how often Yunho wanted to just collapse and yelle at the fate… the fate that gave him this disease… the one that would yank him away from every single person that he loves in this world…


“I never asked you to replace me with him, Su-yah…” he kept his voice gentle… just like several years ago, when he was the one who had taken the role of comforting the younger man… a role that had been interchanged far too many times when his disease had taken a turn to the worse. “But, I know that he had changed… so much from the person he was…” He caressed Junsu’s hair, feeling the body still shaking under his hand.


“He is not the same person who hurt you before, Su-yah… And I…It’s hard for me to decide on this too…but…” He planted a gentle kiss on Junsu’s nape.


“I want you to be happy… and I know that he can make you happy… if you let him in…” He pulled Junsu closer to his chest, feeling the man’s heartbeat steadying under his tight embrace.


“I’ve been so greedy… keeping you all to myself for this past 15 years… And now… when it is finally my time to go… maybe I should learn how to share…”


Junsu choked.


“Especially if that means that you will be happy even when I’m gone…”


He kept the last sentence to himself.


‘Especially when I know that he still holds a big part of your heart even after this long…’


And wasn’t it this true love? To learn how to share… although it tore you apart?


As long as he’s happy…


A/N Sorry for the slow update (which getting slower and slower I guess hahaha) my reading week/study week for exam had been a hell... literally locking myself up in a study room for 8 to 10 more hours and study non-stop... so yeah... it's really killing me T_T I can't wait for next week and the next to be over... I can't even go and welcome Junsu in the airport because of this T_T hahaha

anyway, yeah, hopefully you'll enjoy this chapter as well... and hopefully it's not getting boring^^ hehehe. Thanks!
Current Location: Singapore
Current Mood: exhaustedexhausted
tea_andteddiestea_andteddies on April 23rd, 2010 03:12 pm (UTC)
goes back to read
YooSu not so secret shipper. L♥vetadpole_lurve on April 23rd, 2010 03:12 pm (UTC)
YooSu not so secret shipper. L♥vetadpole_lurve on April 23rd, 2010 03:25 pm (UTC)
My heart cleanched painfully for all of them. This is so melancholy. Yoochun is just as pitiful as Junsu and Yunho. T__T
Where's HoSu kid(s)? O_o? *pokesyou*
ps:good luck with ur exams. I still have 1 month before my finals. ^^ hope u'll do ur best!
(no subject) - hidaka_yuushi on April 24th, 2010 03:19 am (UTC) (Expand)
tea_andteddiestea_andteddies on April 23rd, 2010 03:16 pm (UTC)
oh oh oh~ you almost make me tear at the hosu romance! and to think i'm a yunjae shipper hahaha. But now you have successfully made me torn between yoosu and hosu! oh nooo! but it'll be interesting to see how yoochun manages to get back junsu again! you're wonderful for coming up with such wonderful, novel plots!
and jiayou for your exams! my exams are just over so i know how you feel hahaha :D
hidaka_yuushihidaka_yuushi on April 24th, 2010 03:21 am (UTC)
hehehe Yunho is gentle by nature... So I think he will actually go along very well with anybody shipped with him^^ That's the main reason why I choose HoSu and not JaeSu or Minsu here... hahhaa. Cannot imagine them being so selfless like this^^ sort of^^

Thanks! I'm going to study harrrd!
freya_xiahfreya_xiah on April 23rd, 2010 03:25 pm (UTC)
beside yoosu... i am a hosu worshipper...
and i hope this will be hosu one for a while...
but still...i love yoosu too much to separate them...
btw hosu child please,,,
it will make the story more complicated hahahaha
hidaka_yuushihidaka_yuushi on April 24th, 2010 03:22 am (UTC)
hehehe HoSu had their own happiness for 15 years already^^ and I think, although not fully satisfied, Yunho had accepted that his time with Junsu is going to be over soon... so yeah^^

(and yes... little Jungs will be appearing soon^^)
agnetalovekagnetalovek on April 23rd, 2010 03:43 pm (UTC)
Yunho is dying...it really seams that god has a finger in the play(if he really exist)
But I still think that Junsu needs to be punished for neglecting Chunnie for so long.

Sorry if my mind is bad :P
hidaka_yuushihidaka_yuushi on April 24th, 2010 03:23 am (UTC)
hahaha... but wasn't it Chunnie's fault in the first place? hahaha. his punishment for neglecting Junsu in the first place is this... 15 years waiting for Junsu basking in his happiness (or was I too harsh at him? hahaha)
(no subject) - agnetalovek on April 24th, 2010 08:46 am (UTC) (Expand)
layla_zalalayla_zala on April 23rd, 2010 03:54 pm (UTC)
from Jung Junsu to Park Junsu??
thats not bad, bb^^

and here, Junsu is 40 years old?
i keep picturing him in the Break Out mv, but thats too old...

and yes, true love can be shared....
just like i can share my love for him~~~
hidaka_yuushihidaka_yuushi on April 23rd, 2010 04:06 pm (UTC)
hahaha he's definitely not that old!! hahaha... you should picture him as a more mature version of Junsu instead... hahaha. 40 is not that old anyway^^ (well, still younger than my parents... and Tom Cruise is also ard there right? so susu should still be hot! hahaha)
k_tohopop: yoosuk_yunhopop on April 23rd, 2010 03:59 pm (UTC)
aaaaah what am i suppose to say? the last YH thought killed me .. he shared JS heart for all those years *crying*
hidaka_yuushihidaka_yuushi on April 24th, 2010 03:24 am (UTC)
and he still loved Junsu with all of his heart despite the knowledge^^ isn't he wonderful? heheh
micky_susumicky_susu on April 23rd, 2010 04:00 pm (UTC)
Aw poor HoSu >.< Of course Yoochun still loves Su if he's been waiting for over 10yrs. I wonder if Su can forgive him soon. Thanks for the update^^ I've been waiting for this ;) Good luck with exams! I have to study for mine too, but I'd probably slack off and go see Su >.< I would've brought my study material with me....I'm good at multitasking^^
hidaka_yuushihidaka_yuushi on April 24th, 2010 03:28 am (UTC)
hahaha... Good Luck to you then^^ I really really can't since the stuff is super a lot T_T... the joy of being s biz student in NUS. hahaha
animeboycrazyanimeboycrazy on April 23rd, 2010 04:29 pm (UTC)
i missed this fic <3 bbl
hidaka_yuushihidaka_yuushi on April 24th, 2010 03:28 am (UTC)
awww... Thank you! And sorry for the slow update^^ hehehe
(no subject) - animeboycrazy on April 26th, 2010 07:37 am (UTC) (Expand)
one_neeone_nee on April 23rd, 2010 05:52 pm (UTC)
oh, this part is so sad... actually i am so touched that yoochun wait for junsu for 15 years... but i feel sad that yunho sick n will leave yunho TT.TT
hidaka_yuushihidaka_yuushi on April 24th, 2010 03:29 am (UTC)
he had been with Junsu for 7 years before all this happened... I guess 15 years is just not a long enough time to forget your first love and first everything...
gacktprince2008 on April 23rd, 2010 06:09 pm (UTC)
oh poor HoSu, hopefully junsu can let yoochun in
hidaka_yuushihidaka_yuushi on April 24th, 2010 03:29 am (UTC)
it takes time... (hopefully not much longer.. they've been apart for 15 years already anyway^^)
Ann: yoosu <3purpleinpink on April 23rd, 2010 06:13 pm (UTC)
Yunho knowing that Chun always has a part of Junsu's heart (even Su himself doesnt realize it) pains me. and to think that he even ask Su to accept Chun again.. ;__; bless his soul,,aigooh

but then again i wonder how Junsu would bring himself to accept Yoochun. he seems to hurt a lot T-T

ahhh~~~this is a bad advice but do go see Junsu!! you're so close alrdy T_________T
hidaka_yuushihidaka_yuushi on April 24th, 2010 03:31 am (UTC)
Because he loved Junsu... and he didn't want to see him fell into depression because he wouldn't be around anymore... so yeah... he's willing to accept Yoochun as long as Junsu would be happy. And it's not like Junsu would be cheating on him anyway^^ he would only be... watching them from above^^ hahaha

ps: I can't bb T_T... since my marks are cumulative, if I screw up this semester, my whole uni life would be screwed also... so yeha T_T
yunho1205yunho1205 on April 23rd, 2010 06:22 pm (UTC)
*sigh* So heart breaking!! Yunho is being so self-less, only wanting Junsu's happiness. I have mixed feelings. I want Yoosu to be together again, but I don't want Yunho to die. Oh well, you gotta do what you gotta do!! :)
hidaka_yuushihidaka_yuushi on April 24th, 2010 03:32 am (UTC)
maybe Yunho would find a Jae-angel in the heaven? hahah kidding... since Jae here played a very small role but very much alive. hehehehe
(Deleted comment)
hidaka_yuushihidaka_yuushi on April 24th, 2010 03:33 am (UTC)
hehehe... I guess so... Yoochun was essentially punishing himself since actually nobody asked him to do what he did. but well.. yeah... he would still need to wait a little bit longer before Junsu would even consider to look his way again^^
hyun_thohyun_tho on April 23rd, 2010 08:35 pm (UTC)
I was hysterically crying on the inside when Yunho saids that. D:
Good luck with your exams, I just had them, they were easy, Lol. ^^
hidaka_yuushihidaka_yuushi on April 24th, 2010 03:33 am (UTC)
hahaa good for you^^ I hope my exam would be as easy^^ hehehe