I thought my love was enough… to love you, to defend you, to wait for you…But now I realized that it isn’t anymore… and it’s not enough for me to even love me… that’s why I’ve found myself someone who can love me enough… and he is.
Please, forget me and forgive me
If forgetting and forgiving are always that easy to do
The restaurant held one of the fondest memories that Yoochun ever had. Well, two if you counted the happy past time he usually spent with his parents during weekend to have a reward for being a good boy throughout the week… That was ages ago… when this restaurant was still nothing but a modest small restaurant.
But the memory that prompted him to buy this restaurant in the first place was the image of Junsu’s delighted face… in this very same restaurant, that evening… when he tried to be as suave as possible and maintain his cool aura while fumbling throughout his speech.
That was the day where they officially became a couple.
That was the only reason why Yoochun bought this restaurant as the first investment he made when he finally earned enough money.
Although he knew that he might never get Junsu back, at least he could still retain his memory of him as much as possible…
20 years ago… after he found out that Junsu had simply vanished from the surface of the earth, his first thought was that Junsu was sulking… after all it was common for your boyfriend to be mad at you for always drinking and sleeping around…
But not once the thought of Junsu leaving him permanently ever crossed his mind.
Not after 2 months later when he was forced to face the fact that he had really lost Junsu.
And even after that, his mind still rejected the possibility of Junsu leaving him forever… He couldn’t live without him, and he was sure that Junsu was the same.
(and now when he thought back about it, only a bitter smile formed on his lips… How foolish he was when he was young…)
He thought… he believed that Junsu was only mad at him for being such a useless person… He had absolute faith that after he had changed for the better, Junsu would come back again to him… sooner or later…
Sooner or later…
Which turned out to be never.
But he didn’t know that before. So he worked his ass off… applying for many jobs and got a good employment. Undertook many projects and stayed for many overtime periods…
In 3 years, he had changed from a nearly homeless person to a mid-level manager.
And he still believed that Junsu would come back to him soon.
Until the fated wedding invitation came and ripped out the dreams he had based his life on.
He nearly quitted his job then. Nearly decided to just go back to his old lifestyle… club-hopping… mindless flirting… even more mindless fucking… anything to drown his problems and misery…
(Which he realized that his whole life actually was, starting from the day he let Junsu out from his life)
But… he made a promise… to keep waiting for Junsu… to watch over him even from far… And he realized that as much as he wanted to just waste his life away to temporarily forget the bleakness, he had a promise to keep.
So he went back to continue… living in a monotony, living in his work, living so he could catch a glimpse of Junsu in the meetings, the dinner party, the parents-teacher meetings…
And he forced to tell himself that it was enough.
And after 17 years, he had lied to himself so much that it was enough for him to actually believe it.
And now this young man offered him something he never even dared to dream of.
“Wh…” He cleared his throat to force the stuck words out. “What are you saying, young man?” His voice came out harsher than he intended it to be, judging from the flinch on Jung Sang Ho’s face. But Yoochun didn’t really care whether he hurt the youth’s feeling or not. This man had just uttered a sentence that might change his life forever. He gave Yoochun a dangerous thing…
A hope, a dream, to get something more from Junsu, to wish to get something more from Junsu.
“You can’t joke on this kind of thing!” Another unintended snap.
“I’m not joking!” The young man showed an impressive amount of guts and bravery… courtesy of both of his fathers’ characters this time.
“Yoochun-sshi…” Sang Ho softened his words again. “Please, listen to what I have to say… I’m serious about what I said before and it’s not only my suggestion. It’s my sister and brother’s as well…
”And he leaned forward to plant a fix stare on the now shell-shocked older man. “And it was my father’s wish too…”
“Please take care of my Junsu-appa… “ He sat back down and started to fiddle with his hands.
“Junsu-appa… although he tries to deny it, to hide it, but we all know that he’s dying inside… After Yunho-appa…died, he’s like someone who lost his reason to live…”
“he practically gave my whole life back!....”
“Well, your father is his life…” Yoochun said drily, earning an equally dry smile from the young man.
“He was… and maybe he is… But now Yunho-appa had passed away, Junsu-appa needs to find a new reason to live! I know that, you know that, even Yunho-appa knew that! He’s practically wasting his life away like this!”
Yoochun bit back a sarcastic laugh that had threatened to escape his lips. “And you think that I can give him that back? Don’t you know that he’s the one who left me in the first place? He hates me for betraying him before.”
“He hated you before,” Sang Ho’s voice was certain and definite. “He’s doesn’t anymore. And don’t you realize that he has started to open his heart for you again?” It was heartening really, to see the son of your ‘so called rival’ had more conviction that you could rekindle the long lost relationship with your ex boyfriend.
But Yoochun had stopped dreaming and hoping long ago.
“Listen, kid,” now his tone was downright demeaning. “Your appa doesn’t want to have anything to do with me… and I know a lost cause when I see it…”
“Then why don’t you stop waiting for him?!”
That question set Yoochun aback. Why didn’t he? Was it because of a mere simple promise? Really? After 15 years? What kind of promise worth 15 years of commitment?
But Yoochun knew that he just couldn’t start to move on… not due to lack of trying from his side. He tried his best, his hardest to just move on from Junsu. He tried to accept the offer from the men and women who threw themselves shamelessly on to his bed, tried to have a relationship with some decent ones…
But he just couldn’t move on. Those short relationships and one night stands turned out to be just that… short relationships and one night stands, nothing more.
Seeing Yoochun fall into silence gave Sang Ho more fuel to continue. “Please… I, we, have seen that now you and Junsu-appa had started back some kind of friendship… an awkward and uneasy one… but it was there nonetheless… It’s just… both of you are too scared to let it grow further… “
The much older man wanted to laugh at his predicament. At 42 years old, he was not getting a lecture on his love life from a mere 18 year old?
But he wanted to believe… so much…
His life had been so empty, so meaningless, so redundant…
If only… what this kid said was the truth…
Could he start dreaming again? Start believing that it was finally his turn to begin to live again?
~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:A/N I feel that I should update before my last paper... I scared I will have no time after that... too busy partying around! hahaha... And I will be flying to Turkey and Egypt on the 6th until around 15th... and I don't know whether I will have time (and internet connection) to update the story... so I will try to update as much as possible^^ hehehe
Also, I wanted to chase after Junsu in the airport tomorrow... even finished my studying today! But apparently our duck butt decided to fly off today T_T... haizh... next year I'm going to chase after them for sure! hahaha
so yeah, please do enjoy the chapter! and don't forget to comment! Thanks a lot!