I thought my love was enough… to love you, to defend you, to wait for you…But now I realized that it isn’t anymore… and it’s not enough for me to even love me… that’s why I’ve found myself someone who can love me enough… and he is.
Please, forget me and forgive me
If forgetting and forgiving are always that easy to do
The 42 year old handsome businessman gazed out from the restaurant window. His cool and suave disposition invited many murmurs of admirations from the visitors of the famous restaurant as well as its staff. But not even the blatant flirting from the young wealthy lady who had been eyeing him shamelessly could put a dent in his cold attitude, to many of his pursuers’ disappointment.
Only when a young man, approximately aged 18 years old came into the restaurant and immediately made his way to the man’s table did his gaze shifted from the window and his cold mask melted into a warm smile.
“Jung-sshi,” He replied politely, gesturing the young man to take a seat in front of him. He took his time observing the youth, still inexperienced and green but seemed to be able to carry himself well and mask his nervousness… ‘Definitely the result of a good upbringing by Jung Yunho, he mentally noted,’
And just to be hit by a small pang in his heart when he noticed the subtle similarities between the young man with Junsu… the nose and the eyes… the neckline and the jaw…
Reminding him once more that there was a part in Junsu life that he would never be a part of.
“Uhm… Park-sshi… you might be wondering why I am here…” Although he forced his voice to be steady and firm, Jung Sang Ho still emitted a nervous wave when he was about to converse with one of the wealthiest man in Korea.
Yes, Park Yoochun, once a pathetic useless bum who could only lean on his boyfriend support while wasting money on drinks and women had now became the wealthiest man in Korea.
He nodded in recognition as Jung Yunho’s eldest son begun his speech… sparing one of his ears to listen to what he was about to say when the other one taking note of his appearance…
Taking note of his resemblance to Junsu.
He first met Jung Sang Ho 2 years ago… during Jung Yunho’s funeral ceremony. No, he didn’t go there because he thought he finally had a chance to get Junsu back… after the other man’s death. He genuinely went there because he wanted to offer his condolences for the Jung family. After all they were business partners, although somewhat distant to each other.
“Junsu-ya.. . I mean, Jung Junsu-sshi,” He cursed himself for the near slip but thankful that the other man didn’t notice the near-endearment term.
One pair of almond-shaped eyes rose up to meet his eyes.
A shocked expression.
“Yoo… Park-sshi…” The other man immediately lowered his gaze, refusing to maintain the eye contact any longer. “Thank you for coming…” He murmured.
Yoochun noted the skinny figure of the slightly younger man. The bags under his eyes, the way his body slumped forward, the fiddling of his hands, the slight tremble of his body.
Yunho’s death had hit him hard.
And although he should be joyful for the occasion, he would have preferred to see that Jung Yunho to never die… if it meant that Junsu would never be this sad.
“I… I’m really sorry…” He belatedly realized that his mouth had worked before his approval. “He, Jung Yunho is… was a good guy…”
Junsu jerked slightly.
‘Shut up Park Yoochun! Shut up!’ He desperately tried to command his lips, but it seemed that they had gained a body in their own. “He made you very happy… And I’m really glad that you met him…”
He cursed himself for having such a big mouth. And he waited for Junsu to just throw him out from the funeral. ‘Who are you to say that?’ He berated himself. ‘Like you know anything about him? And what you did was to just remind Junsu about what you did to him in the first place… Why he met Yunho in the first place…’
He waited tensely for Junsu to just explode on him…
“He is…was… really…” Instead a choked reply came. “He made me feel very happy… he practically gave my whole life back… but he… he left me…”
He lifted his face and Yoochun was presented with a devastated look on Junsu’s face… something that he only saw years and years ago… when Junsu found out that his mother had finally passed away.
“What should I do without him? He was my life, you know? He pieced me back together… gave me back my smile… my reason to live… gave me a family that I desired so much…”
The accusation was so clear to Yoochun.
‘Something that you could never give…’
“I’m… really sorry…” It seemed that now he had ran out of things to say. What else could he say anyway? Offer himself as Jung Yunho’s replacement? Telling Junsu that he had been waiting for him for so long? And would continue to be there for him if he ever needed anything, anyone…
“…I know… I’m really sorry too…” Came the surprising reply from the mourning man. “I wish that this thing… never happened to me… I… “
It seemed that there were tons of things that he just wanted to let out… things that had been haunting his mind for so long, but Junsu quickly composed himself and swallowed them back. And with watery smile, he raised his head to meet Yoochun’s pensive stare once more.
“Sorry for breaking down in front of you… It’s just been quite hard for me…” Yoochun would want nothing more than take him into his arms and whisper to him that it was okay… he could use him anyway he wanted… Yoochun would gladly comfort him take his pain away… soothe him…
“Thank you for coming Park-sshi… I’m sure Yunho appreciate it…”
And before Yoochun could say anything else, Junsu had quickly made his way back into the crowd.
But after that, he could feel the other’s fleeting stare on his figure when Junsu was sure he didn’t notice him. (he never knew that Yoochun always, always paid attention to him, even when he didn’t seem to)
Maybe, just maybe… he would really get the chance he had been dreaming of…
End of Flashback
Well, two years ago, he had not really been paying attention to the young man in front of him. But he did notice him… a 16 year-old boy who in turn provided his father with support when his other father would never be able to anymore… and comforting his other siblings at the same time.
Strong, tough and dependable.
Just like his old man.
Well, shit. He guessed that he better start paying attention to this young man. Apparently his trip to the past had broken his cold façade slightly, making the youth aware of his lack of attention at him.
“I’m sorry Jung-sshi… I lost my concentration slightly back there,”
Jung Sang Ho tilted his head slightly… a habit he acquired from Junsu since it brought the familiar pang back to Yoochun’s battered heart.
“Yes… I guess I should go straight to the point then… It’s about my father…”
“Well, I’m sure you know that we are all aware of your… past and present relationship with my father…”
He clearly inherited Jung Yunho’s perceptiveness and Junsu’s bluntness too…
Yoochun straightened up on his seat. This would be an interesting conversation after all.
Jung Sang Ho observed the suave man in front of him. Old, much older than him but still have the air of charisma like a man half of his age.
‘No wonder there are countless number of men and women desperately trying to get into his bed,’ he mused. ‘but apparently, he’s still too hung up over Junsu-appa to even consider them…’
Yes, he did know about the history between his father and this man… Thanks to his late father.
You might ask why did Yunho tell his son about his husband’s ex-boyfriend? Even more he was someone that was clearly still not over Junsu…
Sang Ho threw his glances over the vast expanse of the luxurious restaurant. His Junsu-appa told him one time, that this restaurant used to be his favourite restaurant… long long time ago… It was the restaurant where his adoptive parents used to take him during weekends, he had said.
But after secretly digging through his father’s diary (with the help of his mischievous sister), he had discovered another reason behind his father’s fond attachment toward this restaurant.
It was the restaurant when his ex-boyfriend first asked him out before.
Yes, the same ex-boyfriend who was now sitting across him…
And you might ask again, why the hell an 18-year old boy be so nosy about his father’s past love life… It was not like he had just discovered that his father had a sordid affair with his ex-lover…
No. In fact it was the other way around.
He took a deep breath.
“I want you to, please, take care of my appa from now on…”
He was here on a mission to beg Park Yoochun to try to get into Jung Junsu’s heart once more.
Not because he wanted to betray his late father or anything… (in fact, Jung Yunho was the one to ask him to do this favor).
But he knew that this man was what his father needed to finally live again.
~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:A/N An update! coz I'm happy with my exam^^ I think I'll do well on it^^ hehehe... so please enjoy^^