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16 April 2010 @ 10:07 pm
Waiting For You 3  
Title: Waiting for You
Author: hidaka_yuushi
Length: Chaptered
Genre: Angst
Rating: PG-13

Summary:
I thought my love was enough… to love you, to defend you, to wait for you…But now I realized that it isn’t anymore… and it’s not enough for me to even love me… that’s why I’ve found myself someone who can love me enough… and he is.

Please, forget me and forgive me

If forgetting and forgiving are always that easy to do


Chapter 3
Junsu was dreaming… floating in the middle of nothingness at first… grasping in the middle of darkness when the memory had finally made itself known inside his head…


He dreamt when he met Yoochun for the very first time… When the slightly older man punched his way through the crowd of rowdy upper classmen bullies who seemed to enjoy their time in picking on him who desperately tried to get away from them… he got enough punches to last him for a lifetime thank you.


He dreamt about the time when Yoochun stuck to him like super glue… insisting of protecting him, at least until Junsu learnt how to protect himself properly. Since Junsu didn’t have money to learn aikido like Yoochun did, the older man took it upon himself to teach Junsu several moves…


Enough to kick those ugly asses back when they tried to extort his precious lunch money again.


He dreamt of the warmth of Yoochun’s embrace that he first knew and learnt to love when he held him close on his chest, drying his tears when the lid to his mother’s casket was slowly closed… The sensation of the strong arms around his back was the most vivid memory he could remember when he thought about the day his mother, his only parent left in this world, was lowered into the brown soil.


The hands that held his tightly when he brought Junsu to his house to stay with him and his parents who had known him ever since Yoochun did and were more than glad to keep the polite young man (still Yoochun’s best friend by that period) inside their house.


The old Yoochun who was gentler than the caresses of the wind against his cheek, the one who whispered the promises of forever onto his ears… the one who taught his heart how to love…


Who told Junsu that he would be the only one he loved… ever


And that was the promise that Junsu always kept in his heart until… a very very long time.


He dreamt about the same Yoochun who had slowly changed… the one whose personality crumpled after discovering both of his parents’ death in a fire accident in their apartment when both of them were away… in Seoul for college.


The one that he held in his arms in turn, whispering endless sweet nothings, that everything would be okay… that Junsu would make everything okay again.


And when Yoochun started to drink, to flirt, to club…


To sleep around with girls only to come back with tears in his eyes and kneel in front of Junsu, sobbing that he was sorry very sorry…


And Junsu knew that he only loved him right?


He wanted to yell when he saw in the dream him nodding in absolute faith. “FOOL!” He desperately shouted without a sound. “Don’t believe him!” He wished to turn back time and stop being so oblivious and stupid.


And Junsu’s heart dropped when he recognized the scene had changed again…


To the familiar bed, familiar surroundings, familiar sounds… of the nightmare that had been haunting him ever since he witnessed it in the first place.


“no, no, no, no… I don’t want to watch this… let me out… let me out…”


But the dreamscape seemed to ignore his wishes… Tied him in his spot while he watched again as in the dream, he made his way into the small apartment unit, eager to surprise his lover after being granted an early day.


“Yoochun!” He shouted.


Only to be frozen on the spot when he saw two sweat-lined bodies being entwined intimately on the bed. Yoochun, with a guy, a stranger, on the bed, making out…


‘Look away, Junsu… Look away!’ Even if he couldn’t see his own face, Junsu could still remember the battle that raged inside his mind.


‘It’s only you that he loved… those guys, people… mean nothing to him… Look away Kim Junsu!’


“Hey… say that you love me, will you,” The casual inquiry from the unfamiliar voice jerked Junsu’s body into a stop.


“What? Why?” Yoochun sounded irritated, annoyed that his pleasure was interrupted with a meaningless request.


“Just say it!” The brunette challenged. “I just want to hear it… It just feels nice to be said I love you to when you sleep with somebody, you know!” He grinned seductively.


Silence.


But it was not quiet inside Junsu’s head.



“Yoochun won’t… won’t… he only loves me… I know that…Believe in him… believe…”


A sigh. “What the hell… such an irritating request. I love you. Nah… I’ve said it, can we please get on? I’m dying here,”


The only sounds that reverberated inside his mind were the stranger’s amused laughter….


And the sound of his smashed heart.


And he sobbed that he was sorry very sorry…



And Junsu knew that he only loves him right?


Yeah right…


And Junsu had just realized how much of a fool he was…blinded by love…


He really should have thanked the stranger for slapping the truth to him… yanking away the safety shell he had built around himself… to allow him to fool himself that Yoochun loved him… had only loved him… A shell built by years of lies…


A soft cough from his side jerked him awake from his nightmare… with not much reaction but a silent gasp from the slightly younger man, used from the repetition of the vivid memories that had just gotten worse and worse each year.


He immediately turned to face his husband and sat up when he realized that his husband was grimacing in pain.


And the familiar pang of guilt flashed in his heart again… for even having a dream about another man… the one that had broken his heart so thoroughly in the first place, while his own husband had been sleeping soundly beside him.


Caressing the sweaty face of his husband, the burden of guilt in his heart immediately doubled. It was even worse for him to spare a thought on another man while his own husband was suffering like this…


Silently, so he would not wake the other man from his restless sleep, Junsu made his way out from the bed and quickly prepared the sets of pills and a glass of warm water for his husband before proceeding to wake Yunho gently and prompting him to swallow the painkiller and his dosage of medicine for the night. At least this would give him another 2 or 3 hours of peaceful sleep.


A rough sound of gratefulness and a weak smile was returned by a gentle kiss on the forehead by Junsu. His husband was a good man… no, he was a perfect man, perfect husband, perfect father…


He had given Junsu so much during the 15 years of their marriage… and now that he was suffering from acute cancer,(no thanks to his work in the laboratory that exposed him to frequent radiation and prompted the growth of cancerous cells), instead of devoting himself to take care of his own husband, Junsu dared to dream about another man…


He tried to tell himself that this was all because of the fact that Yunho might be leaving him soon had awaken the memory of being cruelly left by the other man…


But even he was not foolish enough to disillusion himself that it was the only reason…


‘Damn you, Park Yoochun…’ He silently cursed, his hand roughly wiped the tears that had unknowingly trickled down his cheek. ‘Why can’t you just leave me alone completely? Out from my heart and from my mind…?’


Another soft cough from Yunho. The previously tall, muscular and handsome 42 year old man was now a shadow of his former self… (not that it mattered to Junsu... He loved this man too… with all of his leftover heart…)


But it was still… the leftovers of his heart…


Most of them had been crushed by none other than Park Yoochun


“Yunho-yah…” he whispered and kissed the pale cheek again, glad that the gentle contact seemed to soothe the sleeping man slightly. “Help me… help me to never leave you… Help me to realize that you are the only person I love…”


15 years was a long time… but it was not long enough for him to forget Yoochun.

~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:
A/N Lj was being a super bitch and didn't allow me to post the story under a rich text (and I've written a super long A/N twice and it was deleted by LJ...) so I need to do everything manually using html codes. sigh T_T...

well peeps, hope that you still enjoy the story and please leave me a comment so I'll know how you feel about this story^^ I hope that you'll like it as much as Like A Glass and My Favourite Toy!

 
 
Current Location: Singapore
Current Mood: pissed offpissed off
 
 
 
ting5ting5 on April 16th, 2010 02:37 pm (UTC)
After all these times (15yrs?) Yoochun still holds Su's heart(most of it)...and finally I know what caused Su to leave Yoochun so many yrs ago :|

I never expected Yunho's condition though...and I cant help but wonder if he knows abt Su I mean, and I'm curious how have Yoochun been faring all these years..

Okay I should stop with the ques and just wait for you ^^
Thanx for the update :D
hidaka_yuushihidaka_yuushi on April 16th, 2010 04:16 pm (UTC)
tehehe.... his POV is coming up next^^ slowly slowly bb!
ting5ting5 on April 17th, 2010 01:16 pm (UTC)
I'll keep myself grounded & wait ^^

(Deleted comment)
hidaka_yuushihidaka_yuushi on April 16th, 2010 04:16 pm (UTC)
NEW READER! *glomps you*

hhaha yah... I have this tendency to make him as a jerk. hahah
ernieduckie on April 16th, 2010 02:45 pm (UTC)
awesomezzzz.
hidaka_yuushihidaka_yuushi on April 16th, 2010 04:15 pm (UTC)
thank you^^ arigatou ^^ xiexie ^^
Jihaejihae_shii on April 16th, 2010 02:48 pm (UTC)
aigoo chunnie so patient O.O
ohooo unni! im off to vacation O.o i will be deprived of yoosu fics for the next 11 days TT.TT nuuuuu!!!
hidaka_yuushihidaka_yuushi on April 16th, 2010 02:49 pm (UTC)
mwahahha enjoy bb!!! hope that you'll have a good holiday!
Annpurpleinpink on April 16th, 2010 02:55 pm (UTC)
gdi! i never thought you'd use such twist bb..fast forwarding to 15years later. really like it ^^
..aigoo i feel the pain of junsu..and yunho too ;___;

just wondering how yoochun has been doing for the past 15 years..?
i'll let you answer that later lol :D
hidaka_yuushihidaka_yuushi on April 16th, 2010 04:10 pm (UTC)
hahaha the idea just popped to me when I was struggling with the other plot I had for this^^ glad that you like it!
РыбО с планеты Кавай!lindefish on April 16th, 2010 03:32 pm (UTC)
I LOVE IT! +_+
hidaka_yuushihidaka_yuushi on April 17th, 2010 04:09 am (UTC)
thanks!
zoeybunnygalszoeybunnygals on April 16th, 2010 04:02 pm (UTC)
15 years??????

whoa!! had yunho been sick all this time?????

hidaka_yuushihidaka_yuushi on April 16th, 2010 04:09 pm (UTC)
hahaha no... it's just recently^^ due to his job^^
tea_andteddiestea_andteddies on April 16th, 2010 04:30 pm (UTC)
oh my my my D:
yunho's dying? poor poor guy! but at least it is assured that there were happy times with junsu, no?
poor yoochun, he's still waiting?
what's their age?
hidaka_yuushihidaka_yuushi on April 16th, 2010 06:37 pm (UTC)
hahaha yeah Junsu was definitely happy when he was with Yunho. at least as happy as he could be. hahaha. Yunho is 42, Junsu is 40
Mrs. Ichigotabetaimissyoosu on April 16th, 2010 05:54 pm (UTC)
Wow! 15 years is a long time. I thought maybe he'll start to notice his feelings again a little earlier than that. So Hosu is married and with kid(s) for 15 years. That's different from what I usually see being written. Very nice. Aw. But poor Yunho. Since you didn't warn us (your readers) about a character death, I take it that Yunho won't end up dying then???
hidaka_yuushihidaka_yuushi on April 16th, 2010 06:37 pm (UTC)
can I not answer that? hehehe
Mrs. Ichigotabetaimissyoosu on April 16th, 2010 09:46 pm (UTC)
:) No, you don't have to. I'll just prepare myself in case there is a character death. Can't wait for the next update!
hidaka_yuushihidaka_yuushi on April 17th, 2010 04:09 am (UTC)
^^ hehhee I hope that you'll like the next chapter as well^^
(Deleted comment)
hidaka_yuushihidaka_yuushi on April 17th, 2010 04:07 am (UTC)
Yoochun's part will be coming up soon... I think. hehehe
yunho1205yunho1205 on April 16th, 2010 07:19 pm (UTC)
WOW!! 15 years?? I can't believe it!! I wonder what Yoochun has been up to in that 15 years?? Ugh, I can't believe Yoochun told that stranger he loved him for the hell of it!! Psh, men!!! LOL!!

My favorite line was: "He loved this man too… with all of his leftover heart." What a great way to express Junsu's emotions!! It so true though! Geez, you're awesome!! Hee hee!!
hidaka_yuushihidaka_yuushi on April 17th, 2010 04:07 am (UTC)
he was drunk and horny... hahha,,, so yeah people do act stupid when they are high.. well... hahaha
kelyhkelyh on April 16th, 2010 08:19 pm (UTC)
O___O after long 15 years of marriage, Su still loves Yoochun?? waaaa!!! >__<
And Yunho!! T_____T poor thing... *cries*
Ahhh!! update soon!! >___< i really love your stories! =)
hidaka_yuushihidaka_yuushi on April 17th, 2010 04:05 am (UTC)
yes... it was his first love anyway... but his feeling is more of a traumatised feeling than a full blown love.. hehehe
hyun_thohyun_tho on April 16th, 2010 08:52 pm (UTC)
OMFG. NOOO! DDDDDD:
YUNHO! I can't stand him being sick. ><
It breaks my heart. <|3. ;__;
hidaka_yuushihidaka_yuushi on April 17th, 2010 04:04 am (UTC)
hahaha... your comment just made me realise that Yunho really got sick very often in real life T_T... but well yeah... hahaha
hyun_tho: Jay <3hyun_tho on April 17th, 2010 12:28 pm (UTC)
Yeah, I just saw him hurt his leg, & he's sick in J.Rich mv, god. I just wish for him to be healthy. ;__;
....I feel bad thoughts comming,
agnetalovekagnetalovek on April 16th, 2010 11:12 pm (UTC)
Yoochun has seriously done it this time!!!
hidaka_yuushihidaka_yuushi on April 17th, 2010 04:04 am (UTC)
hahaha... he got his punishment for 15 years... sort of^^
momokostill_doll_15 on April 17th, 2010 01:25 am (UTC)
woah. I didn't expect it to fast forward to 15 years. but it's good. :)
poor Yunho though. T_T
I wonder how Yoochun is doing after all this time?
Update soon!
^^
hidaka_yuushihidaka_yuushi on April 17th, 2010 04:03 am (UTC)
tehehehe.. I'm trying something new^^ but well.... I'm glad that it turned out pretty well^^ Yoochun's pov will be... coming up soon? I think...
YooSu not so secret shipper. L♥vetadpole_lurve on April 17th, 2010 01:58 am (UTC)
okayyy~~15 years passed. I'm proud of Junsu and his loyalty to Yunho. TT__TT Yoochun was a bastard when they're together so I guess it's reasonble for Junsu to leave him.
I pity HoSu here. *sigh* one is deadly sick, one is broken-hearted.
this line

His husband was a good man… no, he was a perfect man, perfect husband, perfect father…

OMG! HoSu got a child? O_o? I can't wait for all the things to be revealed. Yoochun whereabouts, HoSu marriage,their child. Everything is so mysterious for me.

Thnx for updating~
hidaka_yuushihidaka_yuushi on April 17th, 2010 04:03 am (UTC)
hahaha... whoahhh.. you really paid attentions to details! hahaha... uhm... should I say yes? hahaha... please just read it on the future chapters^^ thank you!!
YooSu not so secret shipper. L♥vetadpole_lurve on April 17th, 2010 06:03 pm (UTC)
seriously, you're teasing me with this story. But I shall wait for ur update. ^^
so much feelings, so much drama~
xiapwababoboy on April 17th, 2010 06:04 am (UTC)
NO YUNHO DON'T DIE!! ): you can't leave junsu with yoochun /cries
hidaka_yuushihidaka_yuushi on April 17th, 2010 02:58 pm (UTC)
^^... I shall not spoil the future chapters to you^^ hahaha

thanks for the comment bb!
Reginatvfxq on April 17th, 2010 09:51 am (UTC)
OH MY GOSH THEY'RE OLD! =))

But it doesn't matter, they'll still be the same people :)))


I feel sorry for Yun Ho... Yoo Chun... he deserves angst! (but I'm still pro YooSu =)) )

I'm so unclear... :))
hidaka_yuushihidaka_yuushi on April 17th, 2010 03:01 pm (UTC)
hahha I want to try something different^^ And yes, they will definitely be the same wonderful people... or even better! hahaha
animeboycrazyanimeboycrazy on April 17th, 2010 10:34 am (UTC)
*sighs* aww chun you were so protective and caring for junsu when you guyz were in school...when he was going through his hard times with his parents...and your parents took him in! aish why'd you have to be a dumb head and screw it all up :(

i felt a twinge in my heart as i read junsu's recollection of all the bad memories he has of yoochun. the starting of yoochun's life falling apart, and how he finally saw the thing that he "needed" to see in order to leave yoochun...

but what i feel even more for is how he still loves yoochun in part despite being married to yunho for 15 years :( i mean i want yoosu too but that's just really said *sighs* and poor yunho!!! he's developed cancer and he's sick in bed...aish

Su, I don't think you'll ever stop loving Yoochun because I think since he was there for you during a hard time in your life, its hard to let someone like that go...just take care of Yunho okay? >_< its really touching that Su still seems to hold some form of love for Yunho even after all he's going through now...even if its not like Chun's love

wonder how yoochun is doing...it seems like his chance will be coming soon but unfortunately at someone else's expense? ahhh~ can't wait for another update bb <3 :) thank you
hidaka_yuushihidaka_yuushi on April 17th, 2010 03:02 pm (UTC)
hehehe but it's still a big maybe for him... Junsu was not the type of guy who would immediately be able to forget his lover/husband. Especially the one he had married for 15 years, and they are separated due to death and not due to infidelity or something... so yunho would definitely still occupy his heart, maybe for a long time. hahaha
ekin_hardyekin_hardy on April 17th, 2010 12:32 pm (UTC)
wow...15 years later and he is still haunted by the scene ha...
and i love how you said he love Yunho with what is left of his heart..I guess broken heart can never be mended..

now i'm curious what happen to Yoochun after this 15 years...

loving this story...XD
hidaka_yuushihidaka_yuushi on April 17th, 2010 03:07 pm (UTC)
especially when it was broken by your first love whom you had been together with for 7 years... so yeah... it was really hard for Junsu... eheheh but he tried his best to move on, so only in nightmare, where he didn't have any control over, can the bitter memory haunted him back
k_tohopopk_yunhopop on April 17th, 2010 03:01 pm (UTC)
OMG!! 15 years! sick YH?! so painful T_T
wow this feels like a hard slap. i want to know how is YC. how does it come you write angst so well?! ^^
hidaka_yuushihidaka_yuushi on April 17th, 2010 03:03 pm (UTC)
hahaha thank you! I don't know myself^^ I fell that my life is very happy and peaceful (although busy)... maybe it's just the sadist part of me?
xiao: Junsu::black&whiteanimeleo on April 18th, 2010 10:57 pm (UTC)
Wow time passes by quickly! So this is 15 years after Yoochun begged for Junsu to come back? *sniifff* poor Su... I almost wish for Hosu cuz if Junsu leaves Yunho, then poor Yunnie!! T_T Someone will have to get hurt...*cries*