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13 April 2010 @ 07:47 pm
Waiting For You 2  
Title: Waiting for You
Author: hidaka_yuushi
Length: Chaptered
Genre: Angst
Rating: PG-13

Summary:
I thought my love was enough… to love you, to defend you, to wait for you…But now I realized that it isn’t anymore… and it’s not enough for me to even love me… that’s why I’ve found myself someone who can love me enough… and he is.

Please, forget me and forgive me


If forgetting and forgiving are always that easy to do



Chapter 2

Yoochun always wondered whether he was a hidden masochist… and apparently he was…

 

He stared drunkenly at the piece of creased paper which had never left his hand since 3 days ago… when he went to visit Junsu just to have a door slammed on his face.

 

“You, Park Yoochun! How can you be so stupid to lose Junsu like this! How could you ever lose Junsu? What will happen in your life now that he’s gone!!” He screamed to the glass of vodka in his hand.

 

And back to the letter.

 

“And you!” He poked a finger to the much crumpled paper. “Why are you so stubborn, Susu-ah?! We have a history together!! Hellll!!! We have books of histories together!! 7 years together means nothing to you, huh?” He continued to poke the limp paper. “Answer me!!! Why can’t you just say that you still love me… I know that you still love me… “

 

He sunk the floor… ignoring the smashed glass beside him. “Please tell me that you still love me… Didn’t you say that you’ll always love me? Junsu-yah…”

 

He glared at the black handwriting on the paper.

 

“You! You are the reason why Junsu left me! Why… why did he leave me? Why????!!”

 

And suddenly each sentences in those neat handwriting condemned his mind with memories…

 

Memories that would serve him nothing but guilt…

 

That left him with nothing else but despair as he realized that maybe Junsu was being honest… maybe he could never love Yoochun again…

 

Memories…

 

Dear Yoochun,

 

I’m writing to leave you… And the image of Junsu… slamming his door on Yoochun’s face… walking to the aisle… leaving him… kissing the new man… making love to him… shouting his name…

 

I cannot love you that much… “my love is not enough anymore… it is barely enough for me to love myself now… much less to love you…” bitter chuckle… dry laughter… no… it didn’t suit his Junsu… but Junsu had changedbecause Yoochun had drained his love…

 

I praised you, defended you

 

And Yoochun was 20 again… slumping drunkenly on the door of their small apartment… murmuring to Junsu who welcomed him in his arms and carried him inside… Complaining to him that he was fired…. Fired because he was stupid… stupid and incompetent… (but he didn’t mention that he was caught fucking  the boss’ secretary on the job… no… Junsu didn’t need to know that… He was enough of a failure…)

 

But Junsu, Junsu smiled at him… patted his cheek in affection and telling him that it was okay… that he would work enough for both of them…

 

That he believed Yoochun always worked hard anyway that he deserved his rest… (and the nagging guilt of him fucking around during his job instead of working was immediately squashed to silence)

 

That he believed that Yoochun could do so much better than his current (ex) job…

 

And so Junsu took another job… working his ass off as Yoochun sauntered his way from bar to bar… from one glass of beer to another glass of vodka…

 

(and Junsu didn’t complain… not even once… not even when he realized that Yoochun’s expenses had actually increased after he became unemployed, did not decreased… never decreased…)

 

carried you, inhabited you

 

And Junsu always came… even when it was 3 in the morning and he had two jobs on the next day. Whenever the barman called him to pick the wasted Yoochun up, he never failed to turn up (although Jaejoong had always told him to just leave him there instead….)

 

And when Yoochun’s drinking habit became a daily one, Junsu decided to forgo his 12am daily sleep and prepare a warm and comfortable bath while waiting for the expected call instead. And after he carried Yoochun home, he would gently bathe him…tenderly cleaning him… not complaining even once when Yoochun puked on him or occasionally kicked or punched him in his drunken antics… (not that Yoochun realized it… even now) for so many times.

 

He continued to love him and he believed that Yoochun loved him as much too…

 

Adored you

 

Junsu adored him… (“too much,” Jaejoong growled… and now Yoochun wondered). He believed that despite all he did… Yoochun still loved him. That despite the changes on Yoochun, he would one day return to the Yoochun that he loves… before all the bad things had happened to them… before Yoochun’s parents died… before Yoochun started drinking…

 

Junsu believed, Junsu adored, Junsu waited, Junsu loved… loved… and loved…

 

I fought to keep you free. I lied to keep you pretty. I defended your choices

 

And he was in the hospital, collapsed from exhaustion after working double jobs and waiting for Yoochun nearly every night… depriving his already depleted body into the brink of fatigue. And Yoochun was nowhere to be found.

 

And Jaejoong begged his best friend to just leave Yoochun… that couldn’t Junsu see that Yoochun was only using him? That Junsu deserved someone better than Yoochun who clearly appreciate some cheap whore more than the boyfriend who worked his body, mind, and soul for him?

 

Yoochun walked into the hospital at that same moment. High to the cloud seven, with alcohol scent reeked from his body and some cheap perfumes clinging to his shirt. Jaejoong kicked him out from the hospital. (with the help of the more than happy nurses and security guard)

 

But Junsu lied… and defended him… He swallowed his tears, his sadness, disappointment and told Jaejoong that it was his fault for being unable to be there for Yoochun anyway… That Yoochun was lonely since he was busy doing his own stuff… (“You mean, you are busy earning money for him while he was dicking around??!!!”)

 

And it was okay… okay for him… after all, he always come back to Junsu in the end… as Junsu was the only one he loved. It was enough for him… (or so he told himself…)

 

Jaejoong only looked away in disgust.

 

when you betrayed me, I looked away…

 

I thought my love would be enough

 

to love you, to defend you, to wait for you…

 

Junsu wished that it would be… that every smile Yoochun gave to him as he thanked him, as he looked at him, as he smiled at him, as he said “I love you…”

 

He hoped that it was enough for him to carry on… until his real Yoochun came back for him.

 

(it was… for a long time… but apparently it was not anymore…)

 

But now I realize that it isn’t anymore.

 

And Yoochun finally realized that it wasn’t.  And that was the day when Yoochun woke up to find nothing but empty space on the bed that the shared. That was the day when he realized that Junsu was nowhere to be found… that he simply had disappeared from the premises of the earth.

 

(Until he found him inside another man’s embrace 3 years later…)

 

And who he was to keep demanding Junsu to continue loving him? A normal person would have left him ages ago… but Junsu stayed beside him during the darkest periods of his life…

 

Didn’t he deserve his happiness now?

 

And doesn’t it mean that Yoochun should let him go… free him… let him move on…

 

But he couldn’t…

 

He would never love anyone else like he loved Junsu… no one…

 

So instead he would wait… and watch over Junsu…

 

Maybe someday… in the distant future… in their next life… in the next horizon, Junsu would find enough love inside his heart to allow Yoochun to share some of it once again.

 

But even if he never did… Yoochun would still wait…

 

(after all, it used to be Junsu who waited for him endlessly before…)

 

And a week later, when sorting through his wedding gifts, Junsu found a small letter tied to a small gift.

 

“I wish you all the happiness.. but please know that I’ll always be waiting for you… (even if you’ll never be mine again)”

 

Junsu could only swallow his tears. ‘Too late… it was just too late…’

~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:

A/N I wasn't going to post this chapter today... but after I read about the stupid SM has the guts to sue our boys back, for something that is not their fault, I feel super pissed off and feel like I need a reassurance about our boys... and I think that maybe some of you need some comfort too... So I post to reassure myself that everything will still going to be alright T_T...

And I'm really getting tired of how this lawsuit is dragging on. I know the boys must be very weary and tired too... as well as those AVEX higher ups who had been tireless reassuring the fans and taking care of the boys. So I just pray that SM will stop their shitty act... or better yet,,, go down the drain for bankruptcy or something! (I can't wait for the boys to win the lawsuit so that SM will not only require to pay all that they owe to our boys, but also the lawsuit fee!!! GAAAH)

sorry for my ranting. Just feeling pissed off and I figure that I need to release this before I go back studying T_T

Enjoy and please comment!





 
 
Current Location: Singapore
Current Mood: pissed offpissed off
 
 
 
Jihaejihae_shii on April 13th, 2010 11:59 am (UTC)
aigoo yoochun stay away from alcohol D:
stupid sm right unni DX but anyway im loving avex for their never ending support towards tohoshinki D:
hidaka_yuushihidaka_yuushi on April 13th, 2010 04:56 pm (UTC)
yeps! Thanks for AVEX existence in Japan... if not, I don't even dare to think what would happen to our boys
farrdrtrypanophobic on April 13th, 2010 12:00 pm (UTC)
meh spotto.
farrdrtrypanophobic on April 13th, 2010 12:21 pm (UTC)
/claws at chunface.
you deserve this.----> this what i should be doing and wanting to do.

but chunnie has my soft spot and i know he's changed. please. i hope he does something to steal junsu's heart from yunho. coz really, he still has su's heart.

sm is an idiot. this just'll drag longer and longer.
(no subject) - hidaka_yuushi on April 13th, 2010 04:58 pm (UTC) (Expand)
ernieduckie: glass hearternieduckie on April 13th, 2010 12:01 pm (UTC)
yay! update! :D

grah. yoochun was horrible before and even though he's changed, he still needs to win junsu's heart all over again. prove himself worthy.

hidaka_yuushihidaka_yuushi on April 13th, 2010 04:58 pm (UTC)
if he ever got chance to prove that he's worthy... Junsu was not his anymore now... hahaha
(Deleted comment)
hidaka_yuushihidaka_yuushi on April 13th, 2010 05:02 pm (UTC)
*new reader? YAAAY! hugs you!*

He's not that stupid... hahaha just complacent and was not in his right mind... nobody in his right mind will prefer bedding whores in some bars then going back to Junsu... but well... that's why alcohol is bad for you...

Thanks for reading and commenting!
(Deleted comment)
(no subject) - hidaka_yuushi on April 14th, 2010 03:57 am (UTC) (Expand)
YooSu not so secret shipper. L♥vetadpole_lurve on April 13th, 2010 12:11 pm (UTC)
spot first~~will read and comment later.
Mish ya babe ^^
YooSu not so secret shipper. L♥vetadpole_lurve on April 13th, 2010 02:36 pm (UTC)
i feel goosebumps all over when I read the last sentence. That's waht I feel when I read the chapter then I saw that sentence. My heart crushed for Junsu, whywhywhy yoochunnie? T__T
Update soon~!

ps: SM is full of bastards, just bear with them babe. I think I'm too used to SM's "surprises" by now. i don't know why JSC didn't win the case yet when they have enough proves but o well, I don't know anything abt law.
(no subject) - hidaka_yuushi on April 13th, 2010 05:04 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - tadpole_lurve on April 13th, 2010 11:07 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - hidaka_yuushi on April 14th, 2010 03:59 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - tadpole_lurve on April 14th, 2010 11:51 pm (UTC) (Expand)
ting5ting5 on April 13th, 2010 12:12 pm (UTC)
First thing first Yoochun needs to sober up, get rid of his drinking habit T_T

Note~yeah this lawsuit thing sucks big time...but whatever may come, I just want the boys to be happy..

hidaka_yuushihidaka_yuushi on April 13th, 2010 05:05 pm (UTC)
he got a 'good' reason for his habit... at least, that's what people usually said when they are one step away from being an alcoholic (and well, the excuse will be explained in the next chapter... I think. hahaha)
(no subject) - ting5 on April 13th, 2010 11:32 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - hidaka_yuushi on April 14th, 2010 04:00 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ting5 on April 14th, 2010 11:20 am (UTC) (Expand)
micky_susumicky_susu on April 13th, 2010 12:20 pm (UTC)
I'm happy you updated! We finally get to see how horrible Yoochun was.
Poor Su >.< I love how Jae is always there to tell Su to leave Yoochun.
SM sucks, they should just end. I feel sorry for the other artists on the label >.<
hidaka_yuushihidaka_yuushi on April 13th, 2010 05:07 pm (UTC)
hahha I just realised that you're right! Even in my favourite toy, JJ also asked junsu to leave Yoochun.. although for a different reason. hahaha.

(yes... SM totally sucks! they're damn inhumane T_T)
prettyyoosuprettyyoosu on April 13th, 2010 12:28 pm (UTC)
he realized to late...
but i don't think it is the end...
the tears showed Su still has a soft spot for Chun.
it's payback time... for Chun to wait for someone with uncertainty, the way Su waited for him in the past.
hidaka_yuushihidaka_yuushi on April 13th, 2010 05:12 pm (UTC)
but the difference is, now Junsu is already officially someone else's... and do you think someone like Junsu will cheat on his husband? especially someone he had stated could love him enough... something that Yoochun had obviously failed to do. hahaha
(no subject) - prettyyoosu on April 14th, 2010 03:05 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - hidaka_yuushi on April 14th, 2010 04:01 am (UTC) (Expand)
ekin_hardyekin_hardy on April 13th, 2010 01:26 pm (UTC)
Sorry yoochun, me thinks you dont deserve another chance...i'll always bias towards Junsu..LOL

IHATESM....ENOUGHSAID.
hidaka_yuushihidaka_yuushi on April 13th, 2010 05:13 pm (UTC)
hahaha maybe he doesn't... Well, at least now I don't think he had suffered enough to even have Junsu spares a glance to him. hehehe

(who doesn't unnie?? That company is really an embodiment of evil)
(no subject) - prettyyoosu on April 14th, 2010 03:06 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - hidaka_yuushi on April 14th, 2010 04:02 am (UTC) (Expand)
anime1812anime1812 on April 13th, 2010 01:26 pm (UTC)
i almost cried..the tears are swelling... please update soon... poor yoochunnie... but it's his fault anyway...
hidaka_yuushihidaka_yuushi on April 13th, 2010 05:14 pm (UTC)
I will^^ when I have free time... which is kind of hard since it's my exam period... but I'll try^^
yunho1205yunho1205 on April 13th, 2010 02:18 pm (UTC)
Ugh! I know what you mean. I just heard about the news before I read this, so seeing your update did cheer me up!! Thank you!!

How sad that Yoochun was such a bad boyfriend to Junsu!! If Junsu's already married, what's gonna happen now?? I can't wait for the next chapter!
hidaka_yuushihidaka_yuushi on April 13th, 2010 05:20 pm (UTC)
hahaha it's finally a story where my focus is more on Yoochun's pain than Junsu's. hahaha I feel that Junsu had suffered enough in my previous 2 stories... so now will be Yoochun's turn... sort of... since I just can't resist to torture Su as well. hehehe
tea_andteddiestea_andteddies on April 13th, 2010 02:25 pm (UTC)
I KNOW RIGHT STUPID SM ><
but love the avex people.
oh can't wait to see if junsu will come back to yoochun!
hidaka_yuushihidaka_yuushi on April 13th, 2010 05:21 pm (UTC)
I really can't believe that those stupid people can graduate from school and head a big business... they really need to go back to primary school to be taught how to treat other human beings properly... Goodness...
agnetalovekagnetalovek on April 13th, 2010 04:09 pm (UTC)
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa *exhale* hhh this is too much. Always so unfare for Susu. This time Junsu's decision made Yoochun realise what he has lost and how preciouse Su is!"!
hidaka_yuushihidaka_yuushi on April 13th, 2010 05:21 pm (UTC)
This time Junsu is strong enough to realise his own value that he deserves better than Yoochun.. hahaha...
one_neeone_nee on April 13th, 2010 04:16 pm (UTC)
omo... yoochun... ... ... (*speechless*), my gawd... junsu was sacrificing himself too much... oh, poor junsu... he really did gave all of him to idiot chun... this is so sad...
and yep, stupid SME, why they dont try to fix the problem n make everybody happy n satisfied, i mean, hell, they need our boys too, they had achieved so much n still doing it (i read the 2 platinum n a double platinum our boys got in Japa, yeay to them). idiot SME (*punch them all*)
hidaka_yuushihidaka_yuushi on April 13th, 2010 05:24 pm (UTC)
Junsu finally had enough... and he did the right thing by leaving Yoochun to pursue his own happiness... I hope that this is the case with all the women that had been neglected by their husbands in all over the world... to be strong enough to pursue their own happiness and make the husbands beg for their forgiveness. hahaha

(and SME people need to be taught the basic on how to treat the other human being properly... Gosh... I guess they're never taught the proper way to live as a decent human beings)
(Deleted comment)
hidaka_yuushihidaka_yuushi on April 13th, 2010 05:26 pm (UTC)
hahaha and I thought that you're going to wait until the story finishes then start to read^^ hahaha...

YES... I was just started to calm down after the shock with AVEX suspending their activities in Japan when this stupid news from SM came... how dare they accused the boys for wanting the suspension/break up and even stated that they always work to bring the 5 together... HYPOCRITE MUCH???!! (or maybe too stupid to even understand what are they actually saying... bleh)

XIEXIE bb! hahaa... good luck for your studying too! Don't play too much lah you^^ hahaha
(Deleted comment)
(no subject) - hidaka_yuushi on April 13th, 2010 06:39 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Mrs. Ichigotabetaimissyoosu on April 13th, 2010 05:05 pm (UTC)
Wow. I believe this is your longest chapter yet. It sure explained why Su left Chun. Man, he was so dedicated to loving and taking care of Chun. Anyone who takes Su for granted is a fool! That's right, Chun, you're a fool for not seeing how important Su is in your life. lol. Thanks for posting this up sooner than you had planned. This lawsuit sucks!!! I hope SM pays for what they are doing to the boys.
hidaka_yuushihidaka_yuushi on April 13th, 2010 05:28 pm (UTC)
I was totally pissed off with the event happened today so I really rushed this chapter and finished it so that i could take away my mind from cursing SME and calmed down enough to start studying again. hahaha

and yes,,, this was the longest chapter for my chaptered fics... hahaha (since I took quite sometimes to update it too... I guess it's just fair. hahaha)
animeboycrazyanimeboycrazy on April 13th, 2010 08:03 pm (UTC)
wahh im so happy that the letter was finally explained <3 <3

yoochun you pabo stay away from the booze~ didn't you learn from before that its not good for you? drowing out your feelings and sorrow cuz of junsu now isn't good ._. seriously...

omo i dont even know what to say about all the horrible shit Junsu had to go through because of CHUN!!! like, yoochun you really took him for granted and i'm kind of glad that su stood up to you and left...it made you realize yoochun!!!

but how will yoosu ever get back together? :( this one seems a bit more hard to see than the Favorite Toy and Like a Glass ;o;

ily ty for updating :) and telling me about the SM news...i didnt even know *sighs* i really try not to read stuff now adays because no matter what, I believe in those 5 people and i'll always love them and wish them happiness...<3 but on a flaming note: grr to you SM go burn down! yeah AVEX for your support!!!!!! <3 <3
hidaka_yuushihidaka_yuushi on April 14th, 2010 03:54 am (UTC)
hahha it seems today the fans are raging mad toward Mr Matsuura, no thanks to his drunken tweets (although I still side with him... the poor man had too much burden thrust on his shoulders...) well, I guess it's just part of korean entertainment business... it will be weird if it has no drama... now I'm set to detach myself emotionally and just settle to hope for the best. hahaha

and yess^^ For the past 2 stories, Junsy was a bit of a wimp for taking all the abuses (well, cannot blame him since his mind in slightly twisted too), but here, he finally took charge of his own life^^ ahh.. so proud of him^^
gacktprince2008 on April 13th, 2010 10:37 pm (UTC)
oh yoosu
Ann: yoosu <3purpleinpink on April 13th, 2010 11:27 pm (UTC)
;_; he was self-destructing back then, but at least junsu was there. and now that he lost him as well, idk what D:
am i not a good person for actually feeling sorry for yoochun? he's my bias anyway :x

but but butttt i'm loving it how you peel off each phrases :')
I fought to keep you free. I lied to keep you pretty. I defended your choices
my favorite line ^^

SM is the shit bb. But dont worry too much ne? After I cleared my mind, I realized that the boys would have (or at least, should have) expected this move sooner or later from SM. Such a big company wont give up freely for sure. Lets just pray the best for TVXQ ^_^
hidaka_yuushihidaka_yuushi on April 14th, 2010 03:56 am (UTC)
hahaha actually those lines are the one giving me so much trouble since I didn't have any idea how to picture the 'I fought to keep you free' part. hehehe but I guess, it turned out quite well^^ hehehe

Now Yoochun got 2 options lied in front of him.. either he dwell in his misery even further, or start to pick himself up to chase after Junsu (the first one... maybe it end up with Junsu taking pity of him? hahaha)
layla_zalalayla_zala on April 14th, 2010 12:57 am (UTC)
it was never too late^^

well, not until death take charge i guess
hidaka_yuushihidaka_yuushi on April 14th, 2010 03:57 am (UTC)
hahaha... I hope that I won't need to write a fic with Junsu or Yoochun's death... but who knows.. hahah
musik_lovemusik_love on April 14th, 2010 03:57 am (UTC)
i shall come back 2 read n comment ^^
hidaka_yuushihidaka_yuushi on April 14th, 2010 04:02 am (UTC)
will be waiting for the comment bb!
(no subject) - musik_love on April 15th, 2010 02:40 am (UTC) (Expand)
aw.shinawshin on April 14th, 2010 05:37 am (UTC)
Yoochun took him for granted. =/ Thanks for the update!
hidaka_yuushihidaka_yuushi on April 14th, 2010 06:02 am (UTC)
thanks for reading too bb!
freya_xiahfreya_xiah on April 14th, 2010 05:39 am (UTC)
OMG...so sad sad sad...but chunnie deserve that and su deserve someone better
hidaka_yuushihidaka_yuushi on April 14th, 2010 06:03 am (UTC)
haha and thankfully, Junsu realised that as well... and he's off to find his own happiness. hahaha
Reginatvfxq on April 14th, 2010 09:24 am (UTC)
I feel so bad for Yoo Chun, I feel like crying!

But then again, it was his fault... Jun Su gave up everything for Yoo Chun, but Yoo Chun took him for granted!

Yoo Chun has to show Jun Su he's changed! HE MUST STEAL HIM AWAY FROM YUN HO. @-)
hidaka_yuushihidaka_yuushi on April 14th, 2010 09:58 am (UTC)
hahaha... but if Yoochun tried to steal Junsu from Yunho while the other two are happy (well, at least content?) then won't he be a home-wrecker instead? hahaha... and I think Junsu will not easily come back to Yoochun... he had make his resolution to leave Yoochun in the first place anyway
momokostill_doll_15 on April 14th, 2010 09:27 am (UTC)
so... that's why Junsu is like that. it's kinda like Karma for Yoochun, though I'm torn between believing he deserved it or not... hm... I'm not making sense anymore... can't wait to see what will happen next.
Update soon~!


can we just burn SM down??? those freaks. xP
hidaka_yuushihidaka_yuushi on April 14th, 2010 09:59 am (UTC)
and now we got another super shocking news about our boys... Jaechunsu is officially forming a new unit in japan... well... I don;t know how to feel as well. sigh.